Our bundle of joy

So so so busy lately as we've entered into parenthood.

Being a first time mother, I'm easily emotional when it comes to motherhood and my baby. For this entry, I'd like to blog about my experience in giving birth from hospital selection till the birth of our baby, Jacob.

Brace yourself, it's a long post.

As soon as we know that I'm pregnant through home kit test, we confirmed it by getting it checked at the nearest hospital, Columbia Asia Setapak. I was 5 weeks pregnant according to the scan. At that time, we couldn't see the typical baby image from ultrascan but instead, just a sac with a black dot. Thus, we named it Chickpea. Chickpea has became the nickname of our unborn baby at that time reason why is because it was the size of a pea at the first ultrascan and it's rooster zodiac for the Chinese calendar this year.

Getting more and more excited as our next appointment with Dr. Sudha is scheduled monthly as we got to see from the scan the progress of our little baby and knowing that he's healthy. Dr Sudha's words were really comforting as we approach her with many first time parents questions. You know, being extra sensitive to whatever that happens in my body. Even the slightest discomfort. But CAH being a private hospital, the bill was costly per visit. It was range from RM180~RM2xx depending whether there is medicine or not.

As I got into 3 months pregnancy and off the radar from Chinese pregnancy taboo, I began to open up to my brother and sister in law who had experience with kids of their own. SIL advised us to get a pink book from the government clinic which is beneficial to our pocket in the future since their charges is almost free. She also mentioned that in future, children vaccination is free from government bodies if we have that pink book.

Immediately, we get me registered at our nearest KKIA and started monthly checkup there. Meantime, we're still going to CAH because we wanted to see baby's progress through the ultrascan there. Where as KKIA only scans baby if there's complication otherwise on first time and on 28th week pregnancy checkup.

Back and forth every month for checkups at both places and on my 31st week, KKIA discovered I may have PIH (Pregnancy induced hypertension) because my blood pressure shot up to 15x and 16x for repeated reading. I was sent to the hospital straightaway and got admitted to further monitor my blood pressure. The stay was okay, I actually got to listen and watch other mom's experience on pre and post delivery. It was an experience.

I was told to monitor my blood pressure every alternate day and to go straight to hospital if my blood pressure rise up to 140/90. Which luckily, it was controlled, though it was high once a while but lucky enough, I wasn't put into any medication. My next checkup at the hospital with the specialist suggested to deliver (induce) by 38th week because they were worried there may be complication. Which both of us oppose of the idea and insisted to deliver on 40th week since we got advice from other doctor that it's safe to deliver at 40th week if I wasn't on medication. In the end, they let us off but only to have us deliver right on the dot, 40th week itself. Not a day less. PFFT.

I was in dilemma at that moment because on private hospital, my EDD is one week later than the date given by government clinic. Oh well. Baby is considered full term on 37th week but as I read, their lungs are not fully developed. So I still think it's best to let the baby stay in the womb longer as possible.

Fast forward to 40th week, since we have decided to go for government hospital to deliver, I was admitted to hospital on letter a day before my due date. I was monitored and that evening when they check for dilation, I was at 1cm. I was glad when the doctor told me IF the opening goes up to 3cm, then I don't have to get induced.

The next morning at 7am, I got checked again. It was still 1cm. Boo. So they have to induce by inserting some medication into the vagina. :x Bad thing about government hospital is that you don't get to choose your doctor. The medication was inserted by a male doctor, overseen by a female nurse/doctor. 30 minutes later, I feel the effect.

My lower abdomen was having a bad cramp. At 2 noon, I was told that I could enter the labour room when it's available. Excited yet nervous, I told my hubby to come over. Poor him, waited for 5 hours since the room only available at 7pm. There wasn't much empty room as there were too many people also delivering that day and I'll have to be placed at a specific room because of PIH. They were worried if there may be any complications. The cramp was getting worse. I thought I could deliver but it was only 6cm opening.

Earlier before the contraction worsen...The bp measures 160/115 .. yikes.

Then they first rip off the amniotic sac to hasten the process of dilation. It feels as though I was peeing. The water was warm. I was given gas mask and pain killer jab at the butt. Honestly, the mask didnt help at all. The cramp that came every few minutes hurts. I feel like I needed to poop every now and then and that poop is so huge that I couldn't just let go. (That's really how it feels for me)

So this goes on and I was so drowsy from the pain killer, I actually nap when the contraction isn't that bad. When dilation was 8cm, I couldn't stand it. I told the nurse I will try to "poop" although she told me not to force it. At that time, I just want to get it over and done with. Finally at 9~10pm I was told that the opening is 9cm already and we're ready to push. I called my hubby up since he went out for late dinner. He made it in time to accompany me with the push.

Here begin the delivery process.

I was told to take a deep breath and push. So I did. But my throat was so dry, I couldn't force much energy. I wasn't given any water because the nurse afraid I may have to go for c-sec. So as a reminder, don't forget to drink plenty of water! So I continued to push with all my might. Then they finally see the crown of the baby. Nurse cut a little on my skin to assist the opening and to avoid random tear from the push. I could feel the cut but the mind was too focus on delivering the baby, I couldn't care less.

Finally after few minutes, baby was out at 10:57pm. He was placed straightaway on my chest and that beady eyes of his stare right at me. He didn't cry when he was at my chest. Our little angel was just too cute that the image sticks right in my head until now. (2months later as I wrote this line). While he was taken to clean up, the nurse told me to push one more time to deliver the placenta. It was my first time looking at it and it was HUGE. bigger than a baby!

Then the sewing happens. Here's another interesting story. The doctor who sew me up was a new doctor. This was her first delivery. (Glad that only female staff were in the room that night). Hence, this is the first time she stitch up post delivery. What choice do I have. She was assisted by an experienced staff nurse at least who happens to be a mother of my schoolmate. During the process, it was okay until I overheard, "Alamak, ni terjarak sikit" (Oh dear, this spaced a little further) , the stitches. It hurts a little especially when they stitch on the skin.

So there you have it! My story of delivery. It wasn't that bad and it's all worth it. It wasn't scary at all, in fact, it's really exciting to meet the little one. AND, the total cost for delivering at government hospital for me was.... RM 88 ! TOTAL! for normal delivery.

Here's some of our little angel at age 0.

That night itself back at ward

How my day was ruined by Lazada Express Shipping

I've been told that "you don't need to over buy newborn diapers, they'll grow out of it very fast". Guess that's not the case for my baby. He's just burning out the diapers too soon. Upon one week here in the confinement centre, he has burn 48 diapers. Another week here, he has burn another 50 plus more?

I have made an order on 9th October to order a pack of diapers which is estimated to delivered by 11-14th October. I've got to know that the item has been shipped on 9th. I was delighted. I thought it could made it by 11th at least since it's already shipped. Like the previous order I made to them, I got my item delivered to me within 2 days. Once it says it's shipped, I got my item in less than 2 days! To my disappointment as I clicked into the tracking, it's not available yet. That was on the 9th at 6pm. Fine, gave it another day. I tried on the 10th, it's still not available. Panicked.

I've decided to make another order on 11th. (wasted 2 days, I know) This time, I ordered the same diapers. NB diapers. This time, I made sure I pay extra for the same day shipping which cost me additional RM7 and it's said to be able to delivered on 11th. I trusted that. What's more, it's sold by lazada themselves, so the shop name says.

Waited whole day for the update, and finally to be able to get one at 3pm. The update was that the item has been shipped and the courier is by Ninja Van. Having dealt with Ninja Van before, I knew that they would send an sms to the customer upon sending the parcel to them. Which I like, since it's messaging. I waited almost whole day till 6pm. Which I assume is the standard working hours. No messages. My item still on "Delivery Pending" status.

Panicked again, I went to Lazada website. My order has update. (I wasn't informed). My delivery date was changed to 12th instead!

Alright now, which part of that spells "Same day delivery" then.

So I tried to contact Lazada. (Their Live chat in their website is useless by the way. The button is not functioning. Nothing happens when I clicked on it). A customer care picked up and I voiced my concern.

He apologies and contacted Ninja Van which they later reply to his email (I assume since he said he will email them) that they could not do the delivery on the same day due to high parcel traffic. Lazada would refund to me the monies I paid for express delivery instead.

Money aside, which I don't mind to pay, I REALLY NEED THOSE DIAPERS URGENTLY. Hence, why I opt for express shipping! I don't care if I have to pay RM10 for express shipping. I'm already DESPERATE. Of course, it's Lazada's responsibility to resolve this matter since I made the payment already and did not get the service. But now that I think about it, what would happen if I did not make a complain? My shipping date got changed just like that. Without any information to their customer AT ALL. So if I decided to keep quiet about it, they would too? And take my "Express shipping" cost quietly? That's so unethical.

Now my baby is down to 2 pcs of diapers left for the rest of the day. What should I do? Lazada, you've disappointed me.

Random thought again

With baby bound to say "Hello, world" anytime soon, I randomly thought about my mom. Not that I couldn't just announce to her that I'm pregnant, I couldn't introduce her grandchild to her.

Many would say, "why don't you let your mom be the confinement lady?" or "Why don't you let your mom be the babysitter?". Whether it's my mom or mother in law, I don't want to count on them even if they're willing to. They have worked hard to brought us up. It's time for them to rest. They can play with the grandchild all they want. Once a while, they can help to watch over the baby but not as a full time babysitter. For this, I'm glad my husband agree with the idea.

I guess I've just watched too many drama where by when the daughter in law is pregnant, she's treated as the queen at home. Lucky for me, this doesn't happen at home, or else, I'd rather move out soon. Mother in law still allows me to do certain chores to the fact that I sometimes forgotten that I am pregnant. Glad that I am still able to help out around the house, I pity seeing my mother in law having to do all the chores by herself. She could have asked for help from her children. I would help if I'm allowed to. That's how I've been brought up.

My mom usually asks us for help. Wash the toilet, help with cooking, wash clothes, sweep, mop, wipe this and that, clean our own rooms. I guess that's how she has trained us to be independent and dependent for their family later on. With the same mentality, I'll be gladly pass on this mentality. It's not a child abuse in my opinion. It's just training the kids to be independent and values the hard work that our parents had worked for us.

Nevertheless, I understand where my mother in law is coming from. She didn't want to trouble her children with the chores. But I really hope she would distribute the chores load to us so that she could get the rest she deserved at this age of hers. She really did get thinner as mentioned by my husband's aunt.

Concerns over decision

If you read my previous post, I was warded one night due to sudden increase of my blood pressure. Ever since then, I got biweekly appointment with doctor to review on my blood pressure that I would monitor at home every 2 days with BP device.

So here's my concern. Early this month, on my follow up appointment with doctor at HKL, I was advice to deliver by 38 weeks whether or not the baby is ready - that means I'm going to be induced. Or maybe c-section I guess?

I've been reading so far about mothers getting induced on 37/38 weeks due to hypertension. But all of them already in pre-eclampsia stages or constantly high on BP. So far I've been measuring at home and doctor's review, I was on acceptable range. 11x/ 6x ~ 130/7x.

I did ask for advise from the private hospital doctor that I go by appointment and she says that I need to monitor my BP and also if I'm not on medication, I'm alright to deliver by 40 weeks.

What actually makes me more worry is that as I am going for both places, private and government, I have two different EDD, difference of a week, with government being earlier than private's.

Short background story is that, I went for early check up at the private first when I was 5 weeks pregnant and government's at 3 months pregnant. I'm just worried that the scan when I was on first time visit at the government clinic causes the different date as I heard baby measurement varies when it is scan much later.

So back to my concern. Today I have another check up / follow up at HKL again. This time, a different doctor consults me.  I voice my concern over the 38 weeks delivery and she too initially agrees that if I'm not on medication, I can usually deliver at 30 weeks. Although of course as I was briefed by the previous doctor, the baby is already considered full term on 37 weeks onwards. I insisted on delivering on 40 weeks after I also double checked with the doctor back in the clinic.

However, the doctor today, told me that she cannot overrule the previous doctor's plan because he's her senior. (like what? Your senior is always right?)

My heart breaks each time she insisted for me to deliver at 38 weeks because I may have complications and risk that I may got pre-eclampsia and soon have fitting when it's nearer to the D date. Then that may put both baby and I at risk. While I do understand that, but I want the baby to come naturally, not induced, not c-sec if there's other options that I may go for.

I went with Jon today. Both of us agreed to take the risk. Initially, she told us that we need to sign a paper of agreement that the patient took the responsibility to deliver at 40 week. She say she'll need to get her senior concern and prepare a a letter, that's why we were asked to wait out of the room. After we were called back into the room, she just mentioned that we'll have to make another appointment at 38 weeks to see the progress, then we will see again what will be the decision then. So no paper were sign that day.

I went on to check what will be the risk if I deliver on early term. Some website says that the baby may not have fully developed brain and there might be risk that the baby will still need to stay in the incubator for some time even when it's deliver on 37/38 weeks. Come on doctor... Latest research already prove that babies developed better when they're 39/40 weeks and best yet when they decided to come out naturally themselves.

In addition, today's scan shows that our baby is measuring slightly behind schedule. All his measurement is one week behind. The more I think the private hospital's measurement is right. But anyway, I intend to deliver at HKL, so I gotta follow the government's EDD. At least by then baby is already on 39 weeks.

I hope I made the right decision as I really feel that I'm alright to continue on the pregnancy until the very last day of the term. Fingers crossed.

Stress as a new mom

Being a new mom got me mixed emotions. At some point, I'm excited that I'm about to have a baby and we'll make a family. The excitement of buying new clothes for baby and seeing the tiny little clothes that could only fit my palm for now can actually fit a human being. That's pretty exciting.

At the same time, it's worrisome also because I can't see the baby yet. I don't know what is happening to the baby. What should I do? Am I doing things wrong? If I move too fast, will the baby feel uncomfortable? How about going pass a speed bump? Will the baby feel stressful? Did I eat enough?
Did I eat well? If I sleep like this, does the baby move because he's uncomfortable?

Many questions replaying in my head everyday.

Then comes the joy of being able to feel baby's kick. Knowing that he's moving well inside. I just hope everything turns out well.

Today I went for my antenatal appointment with the nurse at KKIA. I was told that I didn't count baby's movement correctly. I admit, I misunderstood. It was suppose to be 1 movement count within a moment (like a span of 30 minutes or longer break for the next count). I thought it's per 10 minutes break. Got it now. To play safe, I think I'll just do every hourly count.

Speaking of which, I think baby enjoys this kind of lounge music playing in my office as "sound test" on Wednesdays. He was sleeping (no movement since 9:50am), now (10:33am) actively wriggling. That's exciting to know as well. (Yikes! Add that to the movement count!)

It's pretty difficult to notice once the work kicks in. I could hardly pay attention to his movement when I'm busy, but I hope to do it correctly this time as it's important to find out baby's movement to figure out if anything is wrong with the baby.

Done ranting. Back to work.

Bad news, good news.

I'm in such dilemma now.

So last week I was admitted to hospital due to hypertension symptoms. Though the symptoms wore down eventually with my BP got back to normal, there's still follow up appointments. One of it was this morning.

A sigh of relieve was that last week, I was told that baby was in breech position, where usually by my baby's gestational age it should already be head down position. Doctor said to further observe it two weeks later. Okay. Then another issue was that baby's abdominal circumference measurement was still small, it's 2 weeks behind. It's at borderline okay to be 2 weeks behind but there's still risk. If it's still small in its circumference, they may need to deliver me earlier.

Though I was discharged, I couldn't stop thinking how to correct the baby's position or to increase the AC. All I could do is try to sleep on my left side at most time so that baby may get its nutrition. That's what I read about sleeping position. In addition, I also drank at least 2 glasses of milk every day, hopefully baby can absorb more too.

Not sure if it's because of the sudden increment of milk intake, my stomach can't seem to hold it well. TMI - I frequented to toilet more often.

I think I do have a little bit of lactose intolerant.

Anyway, I've been monitoring my BP so far, it seems normal. The reading were lower than 150/90 at least. At most 13x.

Today was my first appointment at the hospital - gosh, a file is open here and now I have more antenatal visit to go. 

The wait was long. I came in at 8am only to get my turn at 10am. Glad the waiting area has air con.

Anyway. I had a scan today and everything looks better! Chickpea finally turned with head down. No wonder lately I've been feeling pokes nearer to my rib cage and heavier on my lower belly that kinda pressing down on my bladder. Doctor said the AC looks good too, normal range, and I'm on 32nd week preggo.

Here comes the bad news.

Because I have previous record of hypertension symptom, they will have to deliver me early at 38th week to reduce the risk. (My heart broke when I heard of this). It's not like the baby is going to be pre mature, they're considered full term 37 weeks onwards.

It's also not advisable to prescribe me with hypertension medication too because during pregnancy, it's only going to get higher as the weeks get later. Because of that, I may need higher dose.

My question to doctor was, "What if by 38th week and I still don't have the contraction?". Doctor replied, "By 38th week, you just come to the hospital and get admitted. We'll put you into medication to start the contraction". - Wow, technology.

My take is that if medication is involved, it's no longer a natural birth anymore? Google defines natural birth as "a vaginal birth, especially without medical intervention such as pain-relieving medication." I really do wanted to opt for natural birth if possible.

Another dilemma would be my maternity leave. I've already had it planned so that it covers 2 months full with additional 4 days of AL to take. Now that the delivery is going to be 2 weeks ahead, I'll most likely need to move it. Also we'll have to inform my confinement centre and hopefully there's still space. *sigh*

I have another antenatal appointment with private hospital doctor. I'm glad I still go for this although it's a little pricey. At least I still can get a second opinion and this doctor always makes me feel good by her reassurance. Unless even this doctor gives me the same advise, I think I'll just have to accept the fate.

An interesting experience

I had my 30th week pregnancy doctor's appointment at KKIA last Monday and I thought it would be a brief one. Little did I know, it became an issue.

As usual, I went to KKIA earlier than my appointment time just so that I would be able to get the earlier ticket number. I wasn't that far off, since my appointment is at 9am and I'm the 7th in queue. That morning my condition was slightly different. I felt light headed and had blurry vision.

As I was seated, it wasn't that bad.

Soon my number were called to the nurse room to get the usual weight and blood pressure checked. Surprising to the nurse, my systolic measurement was at 157 and diastolic at 91. Again, the nurse measured in hope that it was just the device error. 151/90 my second reading reads. Worried, she told me if it still looks bad, we'll have to try with doctor's manual blood pressure measurement. Sometimes it gives a different reading. Okay... third reading goes 145/94. That's alarming. She told me to wait for the doctor's call outside at the waiting area and make sure I'm seated.

Hmm, that kinda explains the light headed that I got. I was alone that morning as I thought I just wanna get this appointment over with and head over to office immediately.

Not long after, my number was called to doctor's room. Again, doctor was concerned with the digital blood pressure measuring device result that we got earlier and she uses her manual device to check. It was still high, about 150 she said. She said she might have to prescribe me medicine for that. At least she told me that was borderline.

She then proceed to check baby's growth through sonography. Everything was well, except for baby's abdominal circumference which was a bit small according to their growth chart. She say sometimes the machine at their clinic may not be accurate. That she's gonna refer me to the hospital for two reasons. My blood pressure and rescan the baby's growth. She told me to go immediately. That worries me. I teared a little.

I woke Jonathan up to go with me to the hospital just in case if there's any news I'll have to share with him. It wasn't just about me anymore.

As I reached maternity hospital in HKL, I was lost. I was told to go PAC but I guess I got to the wrong side. I went to the clinic side. Well, I thought they would at least checked the referral letter and point to me where I should go. At that time, I really thought I was at the right place (First time there).

They proceed me with the normal drill. Urine test, weight and bp measurement. My BP was measured 4x when I was at the clinic until they were satisfied with the number (that's cheating) as the previous 3 were all above 140mm Hg (systolic). Finally, at 130 something, she was satisfied and passed my book over to another counter for assessment. When my sequence number was called, I head into the room, only to realize they had not notice the referral letter was to send me to PAC instead (another department). So then I was, sent to PAC on a wheel chair.

Then I found out, PAC stood for Patient Assessment Center, which was why they had so thorough check up on me. I was tested again for my blood pressure, urine, weight and baby's growth scan. Which they too, took few times on my bp and only writing down the satisfied number on the paper. Lucky that my hubby was there because they needed his IC and help to get me food as the blood glucose test shows that I was very low. 3.9 mmol/L.

As the scan and review goes, I've to explain to them again and again how I was feeling. Scan shows baby was okay, but they too got the AC out of range. They were slightly concern about that. Baby shows a difference of 2 weeks' rate.

I was confused as well. Scan at hospital told me that I'm 31w preggy, at KK it was 30w, and private hosp says 29. Now when will I deliver? =____="

Anyway, I was warded for observation in case of hypertension and they want to rule out the possibility of pre eclempsia.

This was my first time getting needled at the back of the palm.

I've been reading other people blogs about their experience in third class ward in Maternity Hospital in HKL. I thought it would be really bad and crowded. It was not. The only thing I agree upon was that it's hot. There were only fans in that level. One fan at the center of 4 beds. It was difficult for me to rest without getting all sweaty.

Food overall was okay. Nurses were friendly. Babies were cute, mothers were friendly too. It feels as though we all understand each other. Being a mother soon, or already a mother.

There were constant checks from the nurses for BP and baby's heartbeat. Which was really nice. The service and care were really good. The more I'm determined to deliver in this hospital and I think I would like to stay in third class ward again despite the hotness. At least there were more nurses walking around and I could get help asap.

Later that evening, I was transferred to another bed which was understandable, they usually move new patients to the front area beds. That new location was much better as I was right under the fan. That night we got supper! Simple bread and milk.

Throughout the midnight, we couldn't really get good rest. From time to time, nurses will come over for BP measurement and baby's heartbeat. Middle of the night I was asked to do urine test. Oh boy.

Next morning, the doctor in charge asked if I did slept well... funny question doctor... I think I could have slept better at home.

That passed, looking at other mothers, I was preparing my own maternity bag list! Looking at them too, made me dilemma about my pregnancy. The patient next to me was having contraction for labour and was inserted pill to enhance the contraction. She was in extreme pain. So pain that she requested for pain killer injection to be able to rest before the opening is right for labour. So much pain that she said, "I should have opted for cesarean... I rather die... Don't want to get pregnant again", that was worrying. 

There were also student that morning that came to do assessment. They asked permission before they start their assessment. I'm always glad to be able to help. Especially I'm curious of my condition too. We learn together, okay? I told them my situation. They were measuring my fetal position and they couldn't find chickpea's position. I told them what I was informed by the doctor. Which was baby breech. According to google, it's that the baby wasn't in the right position as it supposed to. That was also what worries me, but doctor say it's okay to differ 1-2 weeks position. Hopefully the baby would turn by themselves. So yeah, the students couldn't find chickpea's heartbeat and they were trying to figure out where is the head / leg positioned. As one of the student were trying to locate it, my baby kicked hard that she got shocked and apologized. Haha, that was hilarious to me but I really don't mind. Baby has been active these 2 days. Loads of movement even when the students were checking me.

Lunch

That afternoon I got discharged. Hubby came over for the discharge procedure and finally, I'm out! It was indeed an experience to me but at least now I'm not worried about other people's review on the ward classes as they were really attentive and nice.

Now that I have my file open in the hospital, I'll have another place to go for appointments. That's the only annoying part. I'll have to return to the hospital for follow up. GAAHHHH~

Feeling guilty

Sorry hubby if I've never cook for you much.

It's not that I can't cook. I just don't have the mood to cook. Especially when the kitchen is not mine and mother-in-law is around. Telling us "Don't eat this, don't eat that, it's not healthy"

How are you suppose that motivates me to cook?

My family never practice "healthy cooking", well, not till the extend of steaming all the food we eat, only eat vegetables and fruits, or bland food with less salt and sugar.

We eat how we want it to be tasted good.

I have the fear that if I've cooked while she's around, she would have "guide" me her way of cooking. I'm not complaining that I get to improve myself, but rather there's someone WATCHING you cook. I feel uneasy with that idea. Since I'm already uneasy, how are you expecting me to cook?

I've always dream that once I got married, I'll prepare breakfast for hubby before we go to work, come back from work, no matter how rush, we're able to prepare dinner together, have a simple dinner. That's not the case now. *glass shatters*

I wanted to try so many recipes I found online. I wanted to cook pan mee, pasta, salmon and at one point I even wanna make dumpling. It's troublesome, but I like to go through the process and hope for the best result. LOL. None of that ever happened. It was fun when I was in uni, we're all girls and we have crazy ideas of what to cook. We did pan mee, steamboat, home cook dish. Each take turns. So relaxed.

Even back at my own home, I sometimes cook dinner for the family, I don't feel pressured at all. I just wonder why I feel the pressure here. Maybe because MIL has been telling us to eat healthy and I'm always worried that I may not cook healthy the way she wanted and I'll get told off. Yes, I'm afraid of rejection and moreover I have the fear of being judged. I can never feel comfortable using other people's kitchen as my own. Each house has their own kitchen rules.

It's not like I've never tried to cook in MIL's house... of course my skill is not there yet. I did once before ask her to guide me and I'll cook. She ended up grabbing the spatula from me, "let me show you how", and just keep talking how I should do it and ended up cooking the whole dish anyway. So how's that makes me feel? Useless. That was when I'm still a "girlfriend" status. Since then, never will I want to cook when she's around.

Ahh, I can't wait to have my own kitchen, my rules, my food.

Sorry, I ranted.

It has gone massive!

When I was walking around the mall, I always feel envious of pregnant ladies. As they look so proud and I feel as though they were glowing carrying their little one in the belly.

Now that I myself is in their position, I too, feel proud as I walk around rubbing my belly.

At the first few months, it feels so surreal that I'm pregnant. Like, "Am I really pregnant? I don't see the bulging tummy yet...". Or rather it's not as big I thought I would look like. "Am I just bloated?" A lot of questions played in my mind.

Took this picture in the office toilet as it's the only place so far that I can see my belly

At 15 weeks, my tummy was still small. (Well, glad to say my figure was still okay). As usual, I went for antenatal appointments and baby has been healthy. All signs were good, no massive sickness except for occasional flu and coughs but the baby is alright.

Every month I just look forward for my check up at private hospital. Though I did went to government clinic so that I can get a more thorough check up, free. (I'll probably post another update about this next time regarding KKIA)

The lift light were fixed and it was super bright! Can't help but took a bumpfie

As the caption says. My bump is starting to look more obvious now, though it's still not as big as I could imagine myself walking awkwardly to support the weight. But I could no longer fit my usual jeans! I was on my maternity jeans in this one. In addition to this, I've bought myself more maternity clothes. Pants especially. I think I can still fit into my loose shirts at this point. But I just grabbed one or two more XL sized tshirts for the comfort at home. Baby has already started kicking at this stage. First to notice the movement when I'm about 18 weeks.

Hmm, seems like I've only been wearing the same top when I took my bumpfie. LOL. coincidentally.

On 26th weeks, the bump looks much bigger. And I too, gained weight.I think I have gained more than 5 KG so far. (OH EMM GEE).  My arms, thighs, belly of course have all gone bigger. Can't really tell from my face. Maybe slightly chubbier? But it still look normal to me. Not a drastic change.

Ugghh.. My hair is now on obvious 2 colours due to growing. I havent dye my hair ever since my wedding last year. The original hair colour has grown out and every time I look at the mirror I feel like I wanna chop off the whole brown hair part. That will be super short. It wouldn't go well with my fine hair. I NEED THICKER HAIR. I've always wanted a boy cut. Tried once to have bob cut, I just look rounder and hair looks thinner. Meh.

Same top again. LOL

This picture really shows that I've gained weight. Head and body looks totally off now. As if I just got a picture of the body and paste my head over it. This time around baby's movement has become so massive and frequent! Active baby I suppose. That's a good thing, right? Sometimes, baby responded when I massage my belly. It's a really nice feeling. I'm not much of a talker, at times I really don't know what to say to the baby. But communication is important!

And, I've been dealing with acne so far. Not sure if it's the pregnancy hormone. But I suspect it's my lactose intolerance. Been drinking maternity milk since I'm pregnant. Also, just lately discovered from reading an article that lactose intolerance may cause acne and bloatness. Which I have so far. Well, the acne part was before I was pregnant and I've been drinking a lot of milk every morning before work at my in-law's place. Probably diet and environment plays a role too? Many factors have change since I move in. Never knew what's the real cause.

So that's my progress so far throughout my second trimester. Hello third and final semester. Can't wait to see our little baby!

Marriage life

I had this for draft and I have forgotten what I want to write about.
Well, since I have this reopened, I'll just write about what I think in general about marriage life with a little experience of my own.

For you people who thinks marriage is big word. Well, you're not entirely wrong.

Why?

A simple word marriage made up many different perspectives. Marriage is a commitment. It's a responsibility. It's a forever love-bonding with your soulmate, your lifetime partner. It's a legal union between two people as partners in a personal relationship. Now, you see, one word comprises so many perspectives. Isn't that overwhelming?

Many have the perception that marriage is just something that bonds 2 person together legally, you're not wrong. You're partially correct. There are more to that. It takes time and tolerance and both needed to support each other and that what makes a marriage lasts longer.

I wouldn't say this is a 100% fool-proof to maintain a marriage but here are 7 important ingredients to a happy marriage:

1. Trust

Indeed. Trust plays very very important role. When trust is no longer there, the relationship will crack. You gotta have faith in your partner. Otherwise, just maybe you should hold on to the marriage until you can trust your life to him/her? That's because when marriage happens, your life is not just your own. You'll have responsibility towards each other, your family and your kids.

2. Honesty

This is important. As husband and wife, honesty is what keeps the trust strong. "A little white lie doesn't hurt". So you thought. But slowly, this may become a habit and what if the little white lie that you think doesn't hurt actually meant a lot to your partner? Unless the white lie is for sweet birthday or anniversary surprises. Then I'm sure this white lie is compensated for.

3. Tolerance

Some may say, "You should accept all his/her weaknesses as it is if you love him/her". Yes, you could. Self sacrificing is indeed very noble. But in a relationship, it's like clapping hands. It takes both hands to make the clapping sound. If you know your partner is tolerating your weaknesses, improve yourself. Or if you know that's your weakness, don't shove it away and give excuses about it. Do something about it. It's just like working. Improve yourself over time. Wise words, "Patience has its limit".

4. Love

Needless to say, always always love your partner. When you think you've fall out of love. Think again why you both fall in love at the first place. What do you see in him/her? My ex-colleague used to tell me that Valentine's day shouldn't only happens on Valentine's day. It should happen on every day. Not to say you should buy gifts or do special event every day. But just spend quality time together. There's no need for occasion to shower your partner with gifts and love. You don't have to follow the event calendar that is set by public.

5. Communication

With the technology era, communication has become so easy. Just texting each other is a form of communication. Sure. But face to face communication is still the best. With this, you can see each other's expression, appreciate each other's presence and feel each other physically. Communication is no doubt one way to bring each other closer, well, that should be how the both of you started off right? Communicating, get to know each other. I don't see why that should not continue everyday.

6. Expressing your love

With point 4 and 5 combine, this can also strengthen your relationship. Expressing your love. Simple kiss on the cheek, lips or even saying "I love you" to your partner every now and then shows that you appreciate your relationship and are happy to be with each other. A simple gesture to treat your partner to a nice meal or simple home cook or gifts are also ways to express your love. Someone once told me that courtship should not end when the both of you have become a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend status), it should always be continued. You shouldn't take for granted with the thought that you both are married, we even have kids already, we're old, why do we still need to do this? Isn't it exciting to reminisce on the courtship and go through that again? It's such a sweet moment.

7. Quality time

In this modern days, both men and women are at work. Considering the travel time to work and home, you're spending almost 12 hours out of the house, not seeing each other (if you're not working in the same company/department). Hence, quality time is very important. Ever played The Sims? Notice the relationship bar with the partner reduces over time? Same with the real life Sims (You). Spending quality time together just the both of you makes you cherish the time both of you are together. Kids? Well, sometimes you may need help for alone time with your partner. Get help from your mother, mother in law, sister, brother, nanny, anyone you trust who can help you with them! Just a few hours away like walk in the park, date at the shopping mall, catch a movie together, or a dinner date.To be honest, you don't even have the remaining 12 hours for each other anyway. What about sleeping? You only have few hours to really spend time with each other each day. So it's important to be able to cherish the moment.



What about my own marriage life?

Well, I wouldn't say it's perfect. It's less than a year since we're both legally and officially got married and move in together. I would say there are may other prospective causes that stress the marriage but both my husband and I are coping with it. Finding solutions to make it better. Now, with little one coming into our lives, we definitely need to work hard together as husband and wife to cope with this stress. Hopefully everything will turns out great.

To my superheroes!

I've missed the day to post this, Father's day. Here's a belated post to tell you about my superheroes.

My childhood superhero will always be my dad. He may be a typical guy that speaks only 7000 words per day, but his intentions worth more than that. (Tearing up as I recall how my dad brought me up, blame preggy hormone)

Why is he my superhero?

Or rather, I think he's my family's hero. For one, starting off a little background of him, he doesn't have as high education as us siblings have. He worked his butt off to afford every single penny to spend on us as a child, to give us what we have today, a shelter and comfort. Even as difficult as it was when back in the 80's when he ventured his way into KL just to have a pay was less than RM200, he made it through to provide for us. Juggling between a salary man, husband and a father, he needs to be multi talented. Which is why I'm proud of him.

When he was much younger, he fixes all the electrical items and piping in the house. He even does the house wiring. He collected scraps from construction site to build an arch to divide between the kitchen and the living room just so the house looks better (or perhaps that's my mom's request). Which then I remembered when us sibling were young back then, used to climb up the arch as a challenge. Using both hands and feet against both walls and jump our way up. We call it 'spiderman'.

My dad taught us a lot of things. From dealing with machinery to the basic of car maintenance. He always try to make us hands on with him. I guess that's why I have the interest to deal with screwdrivers and spanners. He taught us to think out of the box to fix a certain thing. Sometimes if getting the spare part is not feasible, there's bound to be another item that can replace it.  I never got to master this, but my brother does. He likes to get scrap material on his own and build something from it. I guess there's a sense of achievement that money can't buy when it worked out and it saves you money (if you have the time).

Like every dad, he taught us morale lessons too. How a person should be. He doesn't really speaks about it but his action shows. For example, he's a person that respect time. When we need him to send us for our appointment at 7pm, he make sure we reach there at 7pm or earlier. Sometimes that kinda annoys me when I'm still living in the "Malaysian timing" (an understood flexibility of +- 30 minutes late). When there is technical problem, it's always dad that we called for. Car broke down, pipe leaking, electrical item spoiled and more.

Being an elder brother, he learned to take care of people I guess. He's more independent to take care of himself too. He knows how to cook, do house chores, doing craft for entertainment. Of course, this are all old school. He doesn't know much about the latest technology and jargon. ^^

Now that we're all grew up, he's worried about our finances whether we can make it or not. Even more worry  about us now that we're all married and building our own little family. I guess the responsibility of a parent never ends. I shall soon understand why.

I love you dad, even when you're so expressionless showing your love to us.

My other superhero would be my baby's daddy! Happy soon-to-be father's day! Needless to say, I've been counting on him so much lately that I hope I don't overwhelmed him. He's making an effort to does things now that I'm not convenient. He's been taking care of me very well and spoiling me when I have craving.

 I really need to think about my own diet for the baby! Oops.

He's soon to have to juggle between being a son, a father and a husband and salary man. Perhaps his duty is even more but that's good to build the experience so that he can be our kids superhero next! I hope he doesn't mind the post about him being so short because its a different kind of content we're talking about here. Nevertheless, I love you, Jon and the love is ever growing. Thanks for loving me back too!

Any food craving?

This is the usual questions mommy-to-be get I suppose. I've been getting this a lot. Well, my answer will be "spicy". I'm suddenly in love with spicy food. I can't (or no interest at all) have spicy food before I was pregnant. But now, I think my tolerance level has increased by a lot!

I've read that eating too spicy is not good while you're pregnant, that's because you might get heartburn and other discomfort. But as I always quote what my doctor said, "Eat in moderation".

I guess day by day as weeks and months went by, I'm getting more and more of pregnancy symptoms. Just a few weeks back, I'm starting to be very emotional. Sudden thoughts of things triggers me to tear up. Just randomly thinking bout my mom again or random thoughts about how my husband been treating me with extra care lately. I feel so touched. (Darn, I'm actually tearing up as I wrote this). Yeah, tears just roll like that. Then lately I've been experiencing random leg cramps while I was doing my chores. Lucky me, Jon was there to ease the cramp :). He massaged my feet to make it feel better.

Probably later in the pregnancy will I experience bloating. Not sure if I'm just imagining things but I'm feeling a little puffiness on the pad of my feet. Well, we'll see. :)

I'm gonna be a mommy!

Yes, I'm married. It was a year back or 2 years back where I'm officially married and legally married.

If you must know, Chinese counts officially married when we have gone through the customary, that is, the tea ceremony. Which means you are officially accepted to the family(the bride) and blessed by both families for the wedding. "Customary". Long story short, we had all that done last year and more stories about it, you can read it on a blog we both wrote(more like just me for most of the times). We started that blog just to remind ourselves what needed to prepare and perhaps in future can be a reference to others. We're not an expert in this of course, it's our first time being so hands on Chinese wedding. I have never been a bridesmaids before myself so I wouldn't know any detail. But glad we did this time and to know the much hassle we have to go through and preparations!

Long story short, I'M MARRIED and according to the title of this post, yes, I'm expecting. :)

I'm 5 months plus in now and I must say, baby has been really nice to me. I haven't been experiencing terribadly morning sickness except for the first trimester when I'm hungry.Luckily that can be simply fixed by food or snacks. I've been always feeling nauseated but no vomit. Lately, I can even feel the baby moving! It's an amazing feeling that I always want to share with my hubby. Just have his hand over my belly. Both of us can feel the baby move and kicking and that's actually really nice to bond together and it gets excited when he could feel the power movement.

Now I'm gonna just wait for the time to come to see my baby. Every month I got excited to do checkup so I know the babyis doing geeat in there. Never have I been excited to see the doctor.