Still can't let go

It's easy to be said than done. I really do hope that time will heal. She has gone for about 2 years now. My feeling is so mixed. Sometimes I feel that it is a good thing that she has free from her worldly sufferings but sometimes I miss her so much that I wish she'll still be around. 

How is she doing now? Can souls have feeling? Can she actually see what I'm doing now? 

I tried to hold back the tears whenever someone or I talk about her. I tried to act that I have moved on. Or at least act that I am okay with it. But the fact is, I'm not. 

If this is a bad dream, wake me up from it now... I miss you, mom.