The reason..

I feel envious when I saw friends' posts appearing on my timeline when they got back from their holiday. I wanted to go too.

I honestly feels like we should travel while we're still able to. But there are many factors holding me back.

Top reason why I'm so reluctant to go on long holiday or hangouts is because I'll have to leave my family behind. Especially nowadays, my dad. Since mom has passed away, I feel like I have a bigger responsibility to accompany him at home. "Why don't you leave it to your brothers?". You don't understand. I have two brothers. "Then it'll be even better? There's two even!". No, you still don't understand. One of them have communication problem with my dad. They'll end up quarreling in a matter of time. Another is working outstation. The only one who spends most time with my dad, is me.

Sometimes, I feel guilty when I have to leave dad to eat alone for dinner. Especially on weekends when everyone has their own plans and dad stays at home.

Another reason is $$. I'm saving up for the future. Just in case anything happened, at least I have some cash for backup. I kinda learned that after mom's passing.

Friends will be like, "hey, you never hangout with us anymore." I'm really sorry. I just couldn't go against my conscience. But there will be some of the time that I'll take a break from this. Dad needs to have his own time too :) . I wish you guys could understand. I know I've been such a trouble to be included in your travel plans, I sincerely apologize for that.

I do admit that there's drastic changes in my life now. I'm slowly coping with it.

There are many things now in my hand that my dad just threw to me to train me handling the "adult world". Dealing with legal people and authorities. Yeap, this is his way of welcoming me to the adult life. Though I'm quite clear on why he doesn't throw them to my brothers, I still whine from time to time. "I should act as my role being the youngest one and couldn't care less about the family and be spoiled". Stereotypically. But actually, I'm glad that I'm being trained this way. Now I got to learn from my dad while I can. I got to learn things that even my brothers doesn't know =D

Yes, this is MY blog.