you..

for 19 years you had took good care of me.
providing me with all the necessities,
making sure that i dont live my life like yours.

telling me over and over again the story of your past.
i never get tired of listening to your past story.
it's interesting. knowing how life was before the 20th century.
i could remember your childhood story as you've told me.
**and i wonder why i dont do well in my history test.. CHEH**
listening to you as you told me your mom's background,
my grandma.. though i got no chance to meet her, to listen to it myself.
but i do feel satisfied that i get to know a lil bit of her.

remembering the times where we used to be in room together..
just the two of us.. chatting and watching tv..
playing monopoly, scrabbles, snakes and ladders.

it hurts me when i reminded myself of the year 98.
when you'r not there in the room..
i was crying to sleep.
though i know nothing bout cancer.
visiting you in hospital lightens my day.
though it still hurts to see you so pale.
i wish i could help..

years pass.. and once again.
you were attacked. by those mean illness.
pneumonia. spleen enlargement..
all those surgeries must have worn you out..

you look weaker day by day.
i could help nothing but to answer back every thing you've said with an annoyed tone.
forgetting how tough it was for you to manage to pull all this through.
you're young anymore.
coming july will be your 50th anniversary.

but as you'v said, i spend more time with my friends rather than with family.
i even said that im much happier in uni rather than at home.
how ignorant was i... =.=" i feel guilty for letting those words out.

you know so much about medical thing.. because you've experienced it.
rheumatoid arthritis .. an illness that became so familiar to you, but new to me.
sjogren's syndrom.. smth that is haunting you now..
making you feel numbness from your feet up to your waist.
dry eyes, dry mouth.. you cant even shed a tear even if you wanted to..
and what's worse? it cant be cured. medical could just ease the pain.

constant visit to hospital for checkups.
bills bills bills... and more bills from my tuition fees. ..
and our allowance.
but still.. you dont forget your responsibilities to your company.
feeling guilty because you have to take medical leaves. =.="
if only i could be like you.. haha..

sorry that i wasnt at home to help you put down the christmas tree..
to help clean up the house.
and even complaining about it. ><"

but you were so cheeky!
knowing that sweet stuffs are not good..
u still have them ><"
lucky i was there to stop you from buying that packet of mars candy =.="
one is more than enough.. ok?

i promise i will be a good girl! :)
thanks mom ^^
love ya!